Incarnation
by Nalana
Summary: She had abandoned who she had been as a little girl long ago in Mississippi. She had shed her second self again nearly three years later. But a life isn’t an easy thing to give up, live, or recreate. Lose and Gain.RogueCent, RogueLogan later, X3 SPOILERS


Disclaimer: …Do you really think I own them? Nwope. I don't.

Author's Note: Okay, coming out of the theater ticked I decided to "fix" one of the things I found wrong. Not that I'm saying the latter part would happen, that was just a bit of extra incentive for me to actually write the first part.

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She smoothed out the edge of her comforter lightly. The wrinkles from her sitting down onto the mattress had long since been brushed away by her tentative touch. Still she ran he unclothed digits along the material.

How many nights had she spent sleeping in this room? How long had it been since she had left her shaking and terrified parents back in the south? The days on the calendar kept flipping by like a child's animation, winding the past in a routine.

Rogue had abandoned nearly every piece of her old identity nearly three years ago. But in truth, she had slipped from being who she was the moment she saw the terror in her sweet mother's eyes. The old her died when she heard the same woman leaning over the bathroom sink wrenching and her father smashing the nearest mirror when their daughter had been…diagnosed.

The Mississippi girl raised her hands from the blanket and placed them in her lap, palms upwards. This torturous skin of her had deprived her of so much. It limited her contact with others- basic human contact. She shuddered. Ever since this had been bestowed upon her, she had wanted nothing more than to get rid of it.

And then came the cure.

She had gone.

She came back to this place that had become a makeshift home to her. Home. She wasn't even sure what that meant anymore. After all, she had changed the moment she stepped out of those doors. Was it right for her to still call this place by that title?

"Rogue?" She turned her head up when she heard her voice being called from her doorway. Her eyes were met with those of her boyfriend's.

She stood up to meet him as he spoke and wandered over to her. He had said that it wasn't what he had wanted. But he might as well have said he was in love with "Iceman" for all the truth it held. His eyes couldn't lie.

"No. It wasn't what you wanted. It's what I wanted." She smiled lightly. With a smirk in her eyes, a smile on her face, she reached that same hand out to play gently with the young man's hand.

A small smile spread over his face as they touched hands for the first time. Half this time she had been by his side and not once had they been able to do this. Not even this simple touch.

"I… I can't believe it!" Bobby said breathlessly, clutching her hand with earnest. Rogue smiled silently.

"Then don't." She whispered, watching as Bobby's expression flat lined. His hand began transforming in appearance. Shrunken, dead, and blotched. Rogue released him and the skin glowed once again with health.

She hadn't taken it.

"R-Rogue?" He exclaimed, pulling back in shock. " I thought you— "

The white-streaked mutant lifted her ice-coated hand up and shook it, sending little particles down to the floor. She had been advised never to use her power for her own gain. But there are just some things a girl has to do.

"I couldn't go through with it, Bobby. And you just proved me right." She said with confidence.

"I…don't understand." He stepped back a little.

"Two years ago when I first got here, I couldn't have done that! IT was because of here, this place, that I've been able to learn to hold back some. In fact, I think I could have held on a bit longer if I wanted to." She said, her accented voice showing some glee.

"Maybe I'll never be able to beat this fully. But… I gotta try. It's me. As screwed up as that sounds, it's part of who I am now."

"But you're missing out on so much!" Bobby spoke, slightly saddened.

"Yes. I am. But things wouldn't be automatically beautiful even if I did get rid of this. I lost one life already. I'm not ready to loose another one. I don't want to let one slip away that could…" She paused, a soft smile pressing at her lips. "Could be beautiful."

Rogue let her eyes fall back to the ground. Turning to her pillow she picked up a pair of her gloves and slipped them on. She heard Bobby shifting behind her.

"Bobby. I haven't been fair to you." She said, turning her head back towards him. "Thank you."

"No problem…" He said with a smile before hesitating. "For what?"

"For being faithful to me. Even if you do like Kitty." She said, walking towards her door and to him. "I know you didn't do anything. But you can. It's okay. Go to her."

"Wh-What?"

"At first I was jealous. I didn't want to lose you. Then I realized something…" Rogue stopped to take her former boyfriend's hand in her protected one. "I was looking at what I had been doing for ages. So. I won't hold you back anymore. It's not fair."

"Not fair?" Bobby shook his head, ripping his hand from Rogue's. "I don't see what's not fair, other than the fact you just lead me to think—"

"It's not fair that I keep holding onto someone I don't love." She said quickly, wincing as she saw her words slap him. "I'm sorry, Bobby. I'm sorry for making myself think I cared that much for someone who apparently can't be truthful to me."

"…I never lied to you." His voice was low.

"Yes you did."

"When?"

"When you said it wasn't what you wanted." With that she walked past him, down the hallway.

Rogue made her way through the corridors in silence. Some looked her way. Their looks were mixed, some curious, some spiteful, some just wondering why she had such a frown on her face. But, she wasn't mad. No.

Strangely, she was happy for the first time in a long while. A weight had been shed off her shoulders. IT wasn't an unpleasant load. The feeling was simply something that had been whispering to her for far too long.

Moving past the younger student's combined rooms, she found herself in the teacher's division. She wasn't sure what had taken her to this section. Well, that was a lie. She knew exactly what had.

Her feet froze in front of one door. Suddenly they had become several pounds heavier. Her arms locked at her sides. Shaking off this immobilization she lifted one fist, letting it come down upon the wood with a thump, and then another, and then a third. The sound pounded in her ears, despite barely making a significant sound.

"Storm. I don't want to hear it." She heard a growl come from within.

"It… I-It's me." She squeaked. Within a heartbeat she head footsteps, and saw the doorknob twist.

Before her stood the x-man known as Wolverine. If possible his hair seemed even more muddled, his scruff uneven. His eyes were red and strained. It seemed like some things didn't heal as quickly as skin, flesh, and bone.

"Ro—"

"Marie." She spoke her given name softly. There were fragments she still held of her life. And even fewer splinters of it she let others touch.

"Marie. You came back then?" He shifted his weight onto the doorframe, his eyes traveling down to her hands. Seeing the fabric, his eyebrows crossed. "I thought you…"

"I couldn't." She said quickly, looking past his shoulder into his room.

One of his eyebrows shifted from its position to rise up. He swiveled his head to follow her gaze. A gentle sound caught between a snort and a chuckled emerged from his lips.

"You wanna come in?" He smirked, thinking of how that may have sounded as he stepped aside. HE was only slightly shocked when she dashed past him and into the room. "Whoa. There's no fire, darlin'."

It occurred to Rogue that this was the first time she had ever seen his room. It was humble enough. The walls smelled thickly with cigars. Apparently Logan's room didn't have the same rules as the rest of the grounds. She had wondered how he could stand those things with his scent sensitivity.

"I got to the building. I even had the needle to my arm. But I couldn't do it. I stepped away. I just… couldn't go through with it. I kept hearing your voice in my head. It wasn't what you said, really. I had wanted it. I wanted it more than anything!" She said in a rush.

It was time once again for Wolverine to be confused. Swinging his door shut he turned to her. He was about to speak when she continued.

"It was how you said it. You weren't trying to convince me. You didn't even state your opinion. You didn't have to. I saw it in your eyes. You really DIDN'T blame me. I think maybe that you wanted me to do it."

"It is one nasty habit you have there." Wolverine said honestly, his words making her nervous posture melt away.

"That wasn't t he only thing I heard, though. You trusted me. You didn't care as long as it was the path I had decided on." She looked him squarely in the eyes. "You are the first… if not the only… person to do that. For that... I can't thank you enough."

"Logan… I don't know where I'd be...I don't know who I'd be… if I had not met you. Thank you."

Rogue reached out to grasp his wrist. Wolverine flinched slightly, not at the hand, but at the richness of her voice. Something in it almost frightened him.

"Look, kid…" he started, stopping at his own words. "Hmm. I guess you're not really a kid anymore, are you?"

"So you finally noticed." She smirked.

"I'm happy you think I've done so much for you. But really…" He reached for her free hand to squeeze it. "You've done more for yourself than I ever did. You've made your choices, and I've just tagged along for the ride. No matter what road you take, I'll be here."

The crafted mutant watched as her eyes softened. Without notice she threw her arms around his waist, burying her head against his tank. Logan blinked slowly before hugging her lightly back, careful not to touch her arms. His expression changed to one of concern when he felt his shirt becoming slightly damp.

"Hey! Hey! What's wrong?" He fretted, her distress worrying him.

"Logan… I… I…" Rogue choked as she nuzzled against him, tightening her grip.

A sense of dread rose in Wolverine's chest. Short of panic he shifted his weight between legs. He didn't know about the direction of that sound.

"Marie… Please. Don't." He said in barely a whisper. He felt her cringe. "Hey… look…" he tried to piece together as she looked up at him.

Looking everywhere except at her, Logan lifted his hands to her clothed shoulders. Glancing around his room he nodded. "Here." He led her over to his bed, sitting her down.

"I… I hope you know how I felt about… About Jean…" his words were cautious. "There are things that happened… things I feel still… that I can't just forget right now. I... I don't know if I can handle one more addition right now. Lets just say I have a limit for one week."

Rogue nodded, her eyes dull. How could she not? Still she sat there calm. She wasn't an idiot.

"I'm sorry you lost her, Logan." Despite the sadness within her tone, she was being truthful. "We've all lost so much. I …don't know what it's like for you."

"I'm not asking anything of you." She said simply. "I just want to let you know that I want to be here for you like you were for me. No matter what path YOU take, I'll stay here. I just ask one thing of you."

"Hmm?"

Wolverine wasn't answered with words. Instead he felt her arms fly around him once more, this time around his neck. Before he could budge he felt her lips on his. Too shocked to realize what was going on he responded slightly only to feel his lips begin to tingle with a sensation that would become very unpleasant.

Before that feeling could occur, he felt Rogue pull herself away, placing her hands and forehead against his safely clothed chest. Her breathing was heavy. He could smell sweat from her neck and arms. Her grip on him seemed too loosen.

"Marie! Marie, are you okay?" a new panic spread across him.

"I'm fine." She said sitting up away from him. "I'm just tired. I'll be okay."

Wolverine nodded a few times. Worry still plagued him. Nervously he pushed away one strand of her hair. Resting a hand on her knee, he pushed forward.

"Marie, I though you said you weren't asking me to…"

"I'm not." Rogue closed her eyes, "I'm not asking you to love me. I'm asking you to let me love you, to stay by you. Even if you never return the sentiment, if you go off have your own life, still see me as too young, or even if you're madly in love with someone else. Just let me be here."

"Let me help you. And help me. Help me learn. Promise me that when I learn complete control, you'll kiss me, once. That's it. I'll never surprise you like that again. I promise."

The older man sat in silent contemplation. He took in her posture, her silence. The way she fiddled with her hands, to the way she slowly looked up at him. A small glimmer of hope sparkled back.

"Okay." He said softly. "You have a deal. But wouldn't you want to give Mr. Popsicle a smooch first?"

Rogues eyes grinned for her. "Lets just say he's thawed."

"Ouuuuuch." Logan hissed with a smile. "Finally let him skip, huh?" That was something he wasn't very surprised in at all.

"You know. There's just one thing wrong with this deal, though." He spoke as he stood up, walking up his bed pillows.

"Oh?" She asked, surprising a yawn.

"What if… don't the line…" He added, holding a finger up, "Helping you gain that control required some… practice?" He waggled his eyebrows making her laugh whole-heartedly.

"Well there are amendments to many things." Rogue smirked, standing up with a little difficulty.

"Yes there are." Logan smiled, pulling back the blankets to his bed, causing the younger woman to shoot him a confused look. "Now don't you start that." He said, grabbing her by the waist and forcing her to sit back down on the bed.

"It's either me watching you pass out as you walk back to your room, me trying to carry you there without touching your arms, or getting weird looks from the students when you come out of here in the morning. Why not chose the more entertaining option? "

"…AND put up with a lecture from Storm about student and teacher relations?" She teased.

"Well…" Logan shrugged, pulling the blankets up over her. "I AM only a sub."

Rogue nodded slowly, her eyes heavy. She sighed, feeling him kiss the top of her forehead, like he had that night on Ellis Island. Hearing him walk towards and out the door, Rogue snuggled deeply into the personal scented pillows.

It seemed she was right. She had changed. This was a third her, one she liked being. This place had become her home, a place where she had someone who trusted her. As long as there was truth.


End file.
